Break it…
I’m a facts kind of girl. Since I was a little kid the card catalogue, encyclopedias and now of course Google and YouTube University help me with research and understanding things better.
Our world pushes us to constantly achieve more and be more. Not always a bad thing until it is.
The relentless pace of technology and social media’s ‘perfect life’ images can make even the most secure person feel inadequate.
I looked up a few things, and was astonished to learn joust how many bots and fake accounts are on the social platforms. On AVERAGE we are spending 2.5 hours per day scrolling through and comparing ourselves to:
Instagram - 100 MILLION fake/bot accounts
Facebook - 270 MILLION fake/bot accounts
Tik Tok - 50 MILLION fake/bot accounts
And these were last year’s numbers…with the introduction of AI (artificial intelligence) powered account and ChatGPT, my guess is those numbers will skyrocket.
We often compare our self-esteem, self-concept and our ability to appreciate ourselves as the beautiful individuals we are to unrealistic images of people who seem to be endlessly happy and successful, even though sooooo many of those images aren’t even real.
Maybe it’s time to take a break from the socials and the relentless comparison game, and rethink how we gauge our self worth. Is it really about conventional success markers (or more accurately, made up success markers) or is there a more fulfilling way to measure our worth?
How often are you pausing and checking in with yourself about what truly matters to you?
What are you really not measuring up to? Is it a title, a ‘beach body’ earning 6 figures…
Are you valuing things that are causing self hatred?
I know as a ‘recovering’ people pleaser/perfectionist, I certainly have valued other peoples opinions over mine. Based on those opinions, I created unrealistic and even unattainable expectations of myself (did you see that, I created). And then, when I couldn’t attain. It, I used it as evidence against myself… it proved I wasn’t as good as (fill in the blank).
See the unrelenting loop this causes? Being really hard on yourself does not (let me repeat) DOES NOT create motivation, even though that’s why we think we need to do it. I can tell you what it does cause though, shame.
If you find it easier to love others, I get it, until I started to do this work, I did too. I subjected myself to so much inner criticism and said the most awful things to myself (like never ever say out loud kinds of things).
It helped me to see that I, along with every other real human on the planet am flawed, and that’s what makes us unique and beautiful. I realized that there was no one on the planet who could help me, unless I helped me. No one knows how you speak to yourself except you. No one can rescue you or intervene like we would for someone else.
You alone are with your thoughts inside your brain all day and all night.
You need to disrupt those thoughts. Think about all those terrible things you say to yourself… would you ever say them to someone you loved? That was the first thing I started to ask myself when I became aware of the negative chatter in my brain. It helped me realize just how far I’d let that chatter go, like waaaay off the leash and I needed to reel it back in.
Need ways to disrupt the chatter? Yep, we all do, here are a few you can start with:
Consider what realistic expectations look like.
Acknowledge your strengths (you tend to minimize those).
Accept your imperfections (we ALL have them).
Success doesn’t equal self-worth (look deep to understand your values, where did they come from, are they yours, do you need to re-evaluate and find your own?).
There are no failures, just learning.
What does your circle of people look like (do you need to prune)?
Your worthiness comes from you, no one else.
Try some self-compassion toward you (and throw in a little forgiveness too).
Interrupt your negative chatter with a question (would you ever say this to someone you loved?).
You can feel better about yourself, it’s a decision available to you to you right now.
If you need help disrupting your negative thoughts, I’m right here. Let’s get on a call and talk about it.
Be kind to yourself,
Chris
