Rooted Obligations
Do you ever wonder why it’s difficult to stick with things? Do you ever ask yourself, “Why don’t I do what I say I am going to do?” Right around this time in January, people quit their goals, throw out their resolutions, go back to what their old habits are.
Do you ever wonder why?
It’s because you have rooted obligations. What is a “rooted” obligation? It’s an underlying commitment that has deeper roots than your goal or desire to change.
The results you have in your life are directly related to your rooted obligations. Whether we are aware of it or not, we always create exactly what we’re truly committed to. When things are not the way we want them to be, if we look with an open mind we’ll find there is a conflicting commitment to something else blocking your way.
Let me give you a couple of examples.
Your commitment is to financial security, but when you look at your spending habits you can see that you spend more than you make. If you take a deeper look, you might find a deeper rooted commitment to the desire to spend your money when and how you please. So every time the opportunity comes up to spend, you do, without even really thinking about it.
Your commitment is to hit the gym, but when it’s time to work out, there are a hundred reasons not to go… too busy, too tired to keep your promise to yourself. If you take a deeper look, you might find there is a deeper obligation to feeling bad about yourself. You wake up every morning with a plan to eat healthy, avoid the candy bowl and get to the gym, but that old habit of feeling bad about yourself has become so ingrained it becomes the roadblock to change.
Deeply rooted obligations live in the unconscious mind, you don’t even know they are there. You might have a vague feeling or you may question yourself (why don’t I do the things I say I am going to do!?!) but most of the time, you’re not aware that they are there.
They come from decisions we’ve made in the past. They come from listening to your inner-critic. They embed themselves and play in the back of your mind, and those thoughts end up driving your actions, which then create your results.
When you make choices that are in direct conflict with your goals, you need to get to the root of where those choices are coming from. These choices keep us stuck year after year.
Every time we set a goal with a new vision of ourselves in mind we’ll face our unconscious commitment to stay the same. There is nothing wrong with you, this is all part of the human experience.
Combatting this default behavior is as easy, you just have to be willing to see when the wheels start to wobble. When you start to feel a little quitty, get curious. Now that you know there is an underlying reason, question yourself with love. One simple question can help reveal what’s going on in your brain. When you’re reaching for a cupcake instead of your meal prepped lunch… when you’re scrolling through social media instead of putting on your running shoes… when you are filling your Amazon cart instead of adding to your savings account, ask yourself (with love and curiosity) “What am I really committed to in this moment, right now?”
Let yourself really hear the answer, because it might sound like, “I’m committed to the comfort that I think that cupcake will provide.” But look just a bit deeper, because the commitment isn’t to the cupcake, it’s to the desire for comfort, maybe attention, maybe love. That’s an ah-ha moment right!? So now, with this new information, you have choices. Ask yourself, what other ways could you fulfill the need for love, attention and comfort? How many things can you think of that could fill that cup? Snuggles from the pup… calling your bestie… hugging your sweetheart… a bath with lots of bubbles and soothing music… your favorite meditation… You have so many options beyond the cupcake, the couch and debt.
Don’t let those unconscious, unexamined, trenched in thoughts sabotage your goals. You deserve to feel great about yourself, you deserve to feel the accomplishment of reaching your goals and the confidence that is created from really doing what you say you’re going to do.
Be kind to yourself and have a great rest of your week!
Chris
