The two wolves
Have you heard the story? I’m sure you must have but let me share it.
The story features two characters: a grandfather and his grandson. The grandfather explains to his grandson that there are two wolves fighting within him, which is an image that serves as a metaphor for the man’s inner sense of conflict. The conversation between the two men goes like this:
“I have a fight going on in me,” the old man said. “It’s taking place between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
The grandfather looked at the grandson and went on. “The other embodies positive emotions. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. Both wolves are fighting to the death. The same fight is going on inside you and every other person, too.”
The grandson took a moment to reflect on this. At last, he looked up at his grandfather and asked, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee gave a simple reply. “The one you feed.”
This story is often used as a metaphor for the inner struggle between our positive and negative thoughts or qualities. It reminds me of my inner mean girl and what her voice sounds like. She manifests herself as thoughts of self-doubt, perfectionism, comparison to others, and focusing on flaws or mistakes. She undermines my self-confidence, hinders personal growth, and creates emotional distress.
The wolf that thrives is the one we choose to feed and nurture.
In comparing both the wolf story and my relationship with my inner critic, I can see the ongoing battle between positive and negative aspects within myself. Awareness is powerful. Once we gain awareness that the voice is there, we can begin to see the impact on our feelings and actions. Just as we can choose to feed the positive wolf in the story, we can actively work on quieting our inner critic and build self-compassion, self-acceptance and turn our inner dialog toward positive.
The wolf that thrives is the one we choose to feed and nurture.
Ok, so you’re aware, now what? How do you manage your mean girl?
The first step is to recognize her presence and try to observe patterns and tendancies. One of my inner critic tendencies is perfectionism and I get a lot of opportunity to observe my thoughts, each time I start a new project or have to do something where other people could form an opinion about how good or bad it might be. Writing this blog is an example. I begin to recognize that my inner mean girl is talking to me by the number of times I delete and rewrite, by the changes in my breathing or my clenching jaw. I feel it in my body before I register in my brain that my inner critic is launching judgment at what I am doing. What I’ve learned over time, is the choice part…
The wolf that thrives is the one we choose to feed and nurture.
Like me, you’re a normal human and nothing has gone wrong. It’s just that your inner critic has an opinion, and it usually comes from a place of avoidance or fear. So what do you do about it?
The wolf that thrives is the one we choose to feed and nurture.
With love and curiosity, challenge the negative thoughts. Question your inner mean girl’s chatter, is it valid, is it accurate? Try trading your self-critical thoughts with more balanced and realistic perspectives. Practice self-compassion, treat yourself with kindness, understanding and forgiveness. Trade self-judgment for self-acceptance. Cultivate positive self-talk, affirm your strengths, accomplishments and true potential.
The wolf that thrives is the one we choose to feed and nurture.
The goal is not to eliminate the inner critic entirely, as it can provide constructive feedback at times. Instead, the aim is to manage the mean girl influence and create a healthier balance of thoughts that nurtures self-growth and well-being.
Reach out to those who are in your corner to help you with your perspective.
I’m in your corner, let me know your thoughts on this. Share with anyone that you know can benefit from a change in perspective.
Have a great week my friends!
Chris
PS. I created a quiz to help you determine how much your inner mean girl is impacting your life. Take it, see where you’re at, share it with your friends, let’s support each other in trading our negative thoughts for self-love and acceptance.
Here’s the link:
https://www.christeenolsencoaching.com/inner-critic-quiz-1
