Dear Anxiety,
Dear Anxiety,
I wanted to share some things with you as I take some time to really get to know you better. Turns out, you’ve been with me for a really long time, as far back as I can remember actually. You have been a powerful force in my life. Until I found coaching, I didn’t realize that you are mostly thoughts triggered by things I learned to be afraid of.
I spent many years misunderstanding you. I am learning now that your intentions are to protect me from all the “scary things in the world”. You have good intentions for me, you want me to be safe. But you want me to be safe all the time… from your perspective, it’s never a good thing to take chances or risks, it’s never a good idea to speak too loudly, to do things differently or to be seen in the world - you want me to stay in the middle of the pack because that is the safest place when I wander outside the cave (which is also never recommended).
I think we need to find a balance, you and me because I’ve let you protect me too much. We need to be honest with each other in order to work together. Your over-protection is causing me to miss out on some things. I’ve avoided experiences based on your advice to stay home, or not speak up, not create or put myself out there. You’ve saved me from some scary things but I think the boundaries have become blurred and it’s time for you to step back a bit.
It’s not all your fault, I’ve used you as an excuse not to be brave and not to push myself outside of my comfort zone. You’ve been a crutch for me to play small and say “I can’t”.
I’ve worked through a few situations where you were screaming at me to stay safe, triggering heart palpitations, souring my stomach to the point of retching and making my brain feel like static or white noise, AND I DIDN’T DIE! You’ve been wrong about some of your advice and I’ve been able to take the risk and succeed.
I love you for watching out for me, but I need you to step back a bit. I know you’ll always be close, I can’t evict you from my life, so how about we be friends? You can tell me all the reasons I shouldn’t, but I will counter with reasons I should and I will practice self-regulation to calm my physical reactions to the fear you trigger and we’ll move forward together.
I am guessing there will be some times where you’re going to be right, but I am willing to face that day when it comes. I’m also willing to experience my life…fully and that means taking some risks, offering what I can to the world and putting myself our there. We can do this together, but I can’t let you stop me from experiencing the “bad” things anymore. I have so many self regulating tools that I can share with you so that we can see clearly. We have made good decisions together, we’ve experienced some of the most exhilarating options that life has to offer…after all we have jumped out of an airplane together and that was crazy fun, and YOU weren’t even scared to do that!
I’ll help you regulate, I promise! You got me, and I got you, and we don’t need to play small in this life.
Love,
Me
