The dark side

If you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you know that I’ve struggled with the dark side of self improvement - perfectionism. 

Somehow, the desire to grow, expand and strive for excellence takes a turn down a path of setting impossible standards and comparing myself to others. When I unconsciously compare myself to others, it’s usually my beginnings to their end game. Have you ever done that? I always think I should be further along than I am, even when it’s impossible. Excellence and admiration turn into impossible standards, and it leaves me feeling like I am not enough or that I’ll never get there. I am not at all patient for the process to play out, and it leaves me feeling defeated…it steals my joy and happiness.

I’ve done this over and over, whether it’s been crafting, promotions at work, baking, or cooking a meal. I love being the best at something, not to be arrogant, but to be needed. The competition really is with myself, but using the measuring stick of someone else’s achievements… that's the key right there, measuring with someone else’s stick. I needed to understand why I had this tendency, so I started journaling about it. I’ve been doing this for awhile and it’s showing me a lot of things about myself. If you really want to understand why you do what you do, you have to ask yourself some deep questions and be willing to see what it reveals. 

Are you ready?
Do you want to know? 

So that you don't get too overwhelmed, I’ll share some of the prompts I used in my journaling but limit the number to 10. Be willing to see what comes up, be honest with your answers. If you need help, I’m here. 

Why is perfectionism a problem for me? 

Is perfectionism helpful to me in any way? List them out. 

Is my negative self-talk helpful, fair or accurate?

Why is it important to hold myself to a higher standard than anyone else? 

What is my inner perfectionist afraid of?

How did I realize that perfectionism gave me attention, validation or made others happy?

What could perfectionism be protecting me from?

How would I feel if the standard was B- work instead of A+?

Why do I feel anxious when I’m not working/doing? 

How could I calm myself to “allow” the discomfort of not working/doing?  

If you’re starting to get overwhelmed or are feeling more negative than positive by doing this work, that’s normal, especially if you have perfectionist tendencies. We tend to focus on the negative and only notice our weaknesses and failures (even though we have A LOT of strengths and successes!!). Round out your journaling time by asking yourself what you’re grateful for. List out at least 3 things and also, list out 3 of your strengths, it’s important to give equal air time and end your focus on the positive. 

I hope by exploring these questions in your journal time, it will help you better understand your perfectionism and allow yourself to  move a little closer to self-acceptance and self-compassion. 

Please be kind to yourself this week!

Chris  

PS If you need help, click to get coached.